February 22, 2012

One year ago today...

One year ago today, I received a phone call that would challenge my faith to the core.

If you ask me what I felt after I hung up the phone, I could tell you with precision. You don't forget moments like that... The moment I was told that my life would be forever changed. The moment cold fear gripped my entire being and threatened to suck all the hope from my marrow.

For months I stumbled around in my new reality, bouncing between intense anguish and seething anger. Countless times I begged God to either alter the circumstances or restore hope and peace in my life.

Slowly, over months of crying out to God, He patiently and lovingly led me through His words of truth. And that truth, when put into practice, lead me back to hope and peace.

And He shall be the stability of your times, a wealth of salvation, wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is his treasure. Isaiah 33:6

'For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, but My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, and My covenant of peace will not be shaken,' says the LORD who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

I have been given the gift of hindsight. I can see God's perfect will being exercised in my life as He lead me to that moment - that phone call. Yes, at times, I still experience intense feelings of sadness and fear, but I confidently lay them before my LORD and He never fails to exchange those emotions with an eternal perspective filled with refreshing hope and a peace beyond comprehension.


. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Below are ten posts written over the past year that highlight God's work in my life and in my heart.


The Diagnosis

As I parked my car in front of Carolina Neurological Clinic, a wave of nausea washed over me. I'm not sure why. I already knew the truth. A day earlier I had gotten the call... {click here to read more}








A painting of Grant's ultrasound picture by Inner Child Art Studio

When God says no

I still remember the first time I saw Grant. I was eight weeks pregnant. As the ultrasound technician zoomed-in on the image on the monitor, I could see something moving... {click here to read more}







 
 
Hoping for Hope: The Never-Empty Nest

I am at the beginning of my journey dealing with Fragile X Syndrome. My son affected by the syndrome is only two years and 9 months old. Even though I have just begun to wage through the trenches of raising a special needs child... {click here to read more}





 

I lay my hand on my mouth

After spending time with some good friends, I got into our car and quickly buckled my seat belt. The kids were laughing in their car seats as Aaron started the car. Noticing I was quiet, Aaron asked, "Something wrong?"... {click here to read more}



 




The Path {a short story}

As I made my way down the serene path, I paused to smell the most delicate flower I had ever seen. Its sweet fragrance lingered, intoxicating my whole body. I felt the soft sun soak into my skin as I looked around. The path was full of beauty... {click here to read more}






 
He believed...

I am finding that there is a big difference between believing in God and believing God. Do I believe in the God of the Bible?  Yes. Do I believe He is the one-and-only true God?  Yes. Do I take God at His word?  Hmmm... I'd like to think I do, however my thoughts and actions often portray that I don't. I want to, but sometimes I struggle to believe God's promises. {click here to read more}



 
Refocus

With both eyes glued to my son, I attempted to carry on a conversation with my fellow mom friends. I scanned the play area and took inventory of everything that Grant could hurt himself on: uneven ground, steps, the plank that bordered the playground… {click here to read more}





 


The whisper of a dandelion

Recently I prayed that God would open my eyes to see the circumstances that surround me through His eyes. ... to see beauty and joy throughout the trials of this world. A piece of me expected a great conversion. But just like Elijah {1 Kings 19}, I experienced God's glory in a way I didn't expect... {click here to read more}






 
Treasure

Woven through my heart are the little joys that complete my days. A syndrome I used to think could only be a curse has revealed beauty so intense it takes my breath away. I have learned to see the treasures that only hardship can produce. {click here to read more}








Trading broken cisterns for living water

Sitting in my living room I hear the winter rain drumming outside. The pattern of the rain drops soothes me as I pull a blanket close around me. I am filled with comfort and contentment. {click here to read more}







Soli Deo Gloria!

2 comments:

  1. Karen- I always love reading your posts. feeling your heart ache tonight, and thankful for your continued faith and ability to put into words the ways that God has helped you through this year. Bit by bit this grief decreases, this battle becomes easier, the ability to see the beauty on this path becomes natural and quick rather than deliberate and delayed. Hugs to you and your sweet family- "I will leave it all to Jesus, For I know he understands. Things in life I can not alter, I will leave in Jesus' hands."

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks, Amy! It has been a day of rejoicing! I am so thrilled/humbled at how God has worked in my life. Sure, there are still many very difficult days but I know what it means to be thankful in and through trials. There truly is beauty and joy in the journey! :)

    ReplyDelete

February 22, 2012

One year ago today...

One year ago today, I received a phone call that would challenge my faith to the core.

If you ask me what I felt after I hung up the phone, I could tell you with precision. You don't forget moments like that... The moment I was told that my life would be forever changed. The moment cold fear gripped my entire being and threatened to suck all the hope from my marrow.

For months I stumbled around in my new reality, bouncing between intense anguish and seething anger. Countless times I begged God to either alter the circumstances or restore hope and peace in my life.

Slowly, over months of crying out to God, He patiently and lovingly led me through His words of truth. And that truth, when put into practice, lead me back to hope and peace.

And He shall be the stability of your times, a wealth of salvation, wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is his treasure. Isaiah 33:6

'For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, but My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, and My covenant of peace will not be shaken,' says the LORD who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

I have been given the gift of hindsight. I can see God's perfect will being exercised in my life as He lead me to that moment - that phone call. Yes, at times, I still experience intense feelings of sadness and fear, but I confidently lay them before my LORD and He never fails to exchange those emotions with an eternal perspective filled with refreshing hope and a peace beyond comprehension.


. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Below are ten posts written over the past year that highlight God's work in my life and in my heart.


The Diagnosis

As I parked my car in front of Carolina Neurological Clinic, a wave of nausea washed over me. I'm not sure why. I already knew the truth. A day earlier I had gotten the call... {click here to read more}








A painting of Grant's ultrasound picture by Inner Child Art Studio

When God says no

I still remember the first time I saw Grant. I was eight weeks pregnant. As the ultrasound technician zoomed-in on the image on the monitor, I could see something moving... {click here to read more}







 
 
Hoping for Hope: The Never-Empty Nest

I am at the beginning of my journey dealing with Fragile X Syndrome. My son affected by the syndrome is only two years and 9 months old. Even though I have just begun to wage through the trenches of raising a special needs child... {click here to read more}





 

I lay my hand on my mouth

After spending time with some good friends, I got into our car and quickly buckled my seat belt. The kids were laughing in their car seats as Aaron started the car. Noticing I was quiet, Aaron asked, "Something wrong?"... {click here to read more}



 




The Path {a short story}

As I made my way down the serene path, I paused to smell the most delicate flower I had ever seen. Its sweet fragrance lingered, intoxicating my whole body. I felt the soft sun soak into my skin as I looked around. The path was full of beauty... {click here to read more}






 
He believed...

I am finding that there is a big difference between believing in God and believing God. Do I believe in the God of the Bible?  Yes. Do I believe He is the one-and-only true God?  Yes. Do I take God at His word?  Hmmm... I'd like to think I do, however my thoughts and actions often portray that I don't. I want to, but sometimes I struggle to believe God's promises. {click here to read more}



 
Refocus

With both eyes glued to my son, I attempted to carry on a conversation with my fellow mom friends. I scanned the play area and took inventory of everything that Grant could hurt himself on: uneven ground, steps, the plank that bordered the playground… {click here to read more}





 


The whisper of a dandelion

Recently I prayed that God would open my eyes to see the circumstances that surround me through His eyes. ... to see beauty and joy throughout the trials of this world. A piece of me expected a great conversion. But just like Elijah {1 Kings 19}, I experienced God's glory in a way I didn't expect... {click here to read more}






 
Treasure

Woven through my heart are the little joys that complete my days. A syndrome I used to think could only be a curse has revealed beauty so intense it takes my breath away. I have learned to see the treasures that only hardship can produce. {click here to read more}








Trading broken cisterns for living water

Sitting in my living room I hear the winter rain drumming outside. The pattern of the rain drops soothes me as I pull a blanket close around me. I am filled with comfort and contentment. {click here to read more}







Soli Deo Gloria!


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2 comments:

  1. Karen- I always love reading your posts. feeling your heart ache tonight, and thankful for your continued faith and ability to put into words the ways that God has helped you through this year. Bit by bit this grief decreases, this battle becomes easier, the ability to see the beauty on this path becomes natural and quick rather than deliberate and delayed. Hugs to you and your sweet family- "I will leave it all to Jesus, For I know he understands. Things in life I can not alter, I will leave in Jesus' hands."

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks, Amy! It has been a day of rejoicing! I am so thrilled/humbled at how God has worked in my life. Sure, there are still many very difficult days but I know what it means to be thankful in and through trials. There truly is beauty and joy in the journey! :)

    ReplyDelete