February 25, 2014

Where to find strength {for the days you just want to stay in bed}

I opened my eyes this morning to my screaming son and breathed a prayer, begging God for a reprieve. Waking early to grinding screams has been a daily ritual for weeks now.

Even more than usual, the past few weeks have been challenging. The steady drum of anxiety, cries and screams of frustration, and regression in eating, all rapidly beat together in a tortuous tune.

And we don't know how to help him. I think that is what wears me down the most.

It is evident that our family is not unique. As I scour the internet for answers, countless Facebook groups, blogs, support websites pop-up with questions similar to mine. The special needs world is very real and heavily populated. But no one has the answers I need - the answers my son needs. The replies to the questions all appear to be trial-and-error and shoot-in-the-dark type responses. There are no clear answers.

I feel strength drain from my body.

"Wise" platitudes cast aside, I beg God for strength to get through the day. I need a clear answer. Lord, where can I find strength?

     Joy in Me.

I am reminded of a verse Aaron shared with me weeks ago:

"...do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10


Once again my perspective is refocused. Shifting my gaze from my own tired self, I lift up my eyes and seek God. In the Word I am not given trial-and-error or shoot-in-the-dark tips. There I am always given clear answers. I am always given hope.

"...His delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither." Psalm 1:2-3
When I have joy in the Lord, it is joy in something unshakable, unchanging and perfect. While my day may be full of uncertainty and hardships, I can always find strength - and joy and hope and peace - when I seek after God and delight in Him. He gives me the strength to continue the good fight.

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