Grant's yearly IFSP (Individual Family Support Plan) meeting was yesterday. It was great to sit around the dining room table and review Grant's progress with all of his therapists and service coordinator. It was exciting to set new goals for him. The biggest goal of the meeting was two-fold:
1. Get approval to begin a second day of occupational therapy.
2. Get approval for that second day of occupational therapy to take place at the Crossway Pediatric Therapy clinic. (Why the clinic? The clinic has equipment and resources that are very difficult to translate into home-base therapy.)
The first goal was in the bag. Very obvious. There's no question that Grant desperately needs more sensory integration - he could have OT five days a week and it might give him all the input he needs. The second goal gave me a pit in my stomach just thinking about it. Perhaps it's because I knew it was out of reach. Because of certain criteria set by the state combined with reduced funding, getting services covered outside of the home is nearly impossible. And if the request wasn't approved I would be forced to admit that we can't afford to provide a day at the clinic. The shameful and pride-shattering reality that we cannot give Grant everything he needs weighs heavily on me. Just thinking about everything Grant needs sends me into panic mode. In those times I say to myself, "Remember the cows!"
For every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills. Psalm 50:10
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31
Our needs, which seem so overwhelming, are nothing to God's power. My heavenly Father owns everything. It has been an expensive year. A string of costly car repairs. God provided. Medical bills. God provided. Just a couple months ago we had to replace our roof and air conditioner - almost in the same week. God provided. I quit my job to stay home with my two boys and to focus on Grant's therapies. God continually provides each month.
Why am I so quick to forget?
I feel like the Israelites after they had been rescued from Egypt and were investigating a beautiful, bountiful land as their new home. The Promise Land. After all God had done for them, they still griped and doubted that He could take care of them (Numbers 13). That doubt was met with stiff consequences. I don't want to doubt. I don't want to gripe. I want to trust. I want to have faith no matter the circumstances. God does provide. God will provide. Sometimes in little and/or unusual ways (I don't think the Israelites would have ever guessed that they would have escaped the Egyptians by walking through the Red Sea, or have a diet of food falling from the sky, or capture a city simply by walking around it a few times). It's not looking good concerning getting Grant into the clinic... thank-goodness God is in control. Remember the cows!
No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him. 1 Corinthians 2:9
'If you can?' said Jesus. 'Everything is possible for him who believes.' Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, 'I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!' Mark 9:23-24
