February 25, 2014

Where to find strength {for the days you just want to stay in bed}

I opened my eyes this morning to my screaming son and breathed a prayer, begging God for a reprieve. Waking early to grinding screams has been a daily ritual for weeks now.

Even more than usual, the past few weeks have been challenging. The steady drum of anxiety, cries and screams of frustration, and regression in eating, all rapidly beat together in a tortuous tune.

And we don't know how to help him. I think that is what wears me down the most.

It is evident that our family is not unique. As I scour the internet for answers, countless Facebook groups, blogs, support websites pop-up with questions similar to mine. The special needs world is very real and heavily populated. But no one has the answers I need - the answers my son needs. The replies to the questions all appear to be trial-and-error and shoot-in-the-dark type responses. There are no clear answers.

I feel strength drain from my body.

"Wise" platitudes cast aside, I beg God for strength to get through the day. I need a clear answer. Lord, where can I find strength?

     Joy in Me.

I am reminded of a verse Aaron shared with me weeks ago:

"...do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10


Once again my perspective is refocused. Shifting my gaze from my own tired self, I lift up my eyes and seek God. In the Word I am not given trial-and-error or shoot-in-the-dark tips. There I am always given clear answers. I am always given hope.

"...His delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither." Psalm 1:2-3
When I have joy in the Lord, it is joy in something unshakable, unchanging and perfect. While my day may be full of uncertainty and hardships, I can always find strength - and joy and hope and peace - when I seek after God and delight in Him. He gives me the strength to continue the good fight.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." Romans 15:13

Are you curious?

Click on the titles of the following articles for guidance/wisdom on where to find joy and strength!



  1. With tears I say thank you. I needed these words and their reminder of drawing myself to Jesus more than I can express. Long story short, I live with pain 24/7 due to a neck and skull injury and I have been awaiting a procdure that helps the pain level to go down. Yesterday it was denied by the workers comp company. My lawyer will appeal it and we will go through a long process and eventually I will get it but in the meantime I am disheartened and discouraged to say the least. Last night I went to bed hopeless and just wanting to throw in the towel of my life. I seriously went to bed wanting to die because I don't want to keep living like this. I woke up with dread this morning after a night filled with nightmares(I have PTSD) and fighting off being attacked. And then I read this. I cannot thank you enough. God bless you and your beautiful family!

  2. that photo is beautiful. I will be praying for God to answer his cries and give him and you what you both need.


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